The concept of a work marriage, a platonic 9-to-5 friendship between employees of the opposite sex, dates back to the golden-age romance movie The Office Wife. But it wasn’t popularized until a 1987 Atlantic essay described a “work wife” as “the woman in your office who … has lunch with you pretty often,” “waits for you to finish up so that you can go down in the elevator together,” and “tells you things about her other (home) husband that he wouldn’t want you to know.”
Cringe, right?
Rooted in an era when office gender dynamics were far more imbalanced — and same-sex couples couldn’t yet legally wed — it’s understandable that half of Americans say work marriages are “not okay,” according to a 2023 Newsweek poll.
However, while 57% of millennials feel having a work spouse is wrong, only 39% of Gen Z agrees. Could the phrase be falling back in favor, albeit with a modernized definition? Here are both sides of the argument.
The Case Against ‘Work Spouse’
Referring to a co-worker as your wifey or hubby — no matter how much fun they are to gossip with — is bizarre, especially if you have an actual wife or husband. Labels shape perception and thinking of someone in this way could even foster an inappropriate attraction (again, especially if you have an actual wife or husband!).
There is also the fact that women already face unfavorable biases when it comes to receiving promotions and respect in the office. Being known as some dude’s “work wife” might not exactly help.
And besides, why can’t people of different genders be friends without awkwardly, jokingly romanticizing it? Got a good work friend? Just call ‘em your good work friend … because that’s what they are.
The Case (Kind Of) for ‘Work Spouse’
Many of the hallmarks of a healthy marriage (communication, trust, respect, and the ability to resolve conflict) are also necessary for strong professional partnerships. A 2014 study found that employees were more productive, less absent, burned out at lower rates, and experienced higher job satisfaction in “a culture of companionate love — feelings of affection, compassion, caring, and tenderness for others — at work …”
Heck, with the business world’s newfound march toward improved mental health, sharing those qualities with a favorite colleague is more than OK.
Plenty of female employees have comfortably adopted the “work wife” title for their No. 1 favorite person to DM on Slack. (Fewer straight men refer to one another as “work husbands,” but hey, office-bro marriages might lead to a better workplace, too.) As with literal marriage a decade ago, maybe we just need to expand our idea of what a work marriage can be.